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I am an obese woman and I deserve love just like everyone else, I also deserve to be considered just as beautiful as those pesky skinny women. It’s total bullshit that I don’t get selected to be on the cover of swimsuit magazines, so I’m going to make everyone who does not consider me beautiful and healthy feel bad for fat-shaming me. And you know those scumbag doctors? who say that it is unhealthy to be over weight, well they are lying to push the unrealistic standards of the beauty industry. Last week my doctor told me that I have diabetes and if I don’t lose weight I will continue to suffer a plethora of physical and mental health issues. What an idiot, my diabeties come from all the stress of not being represented in this fucked up country. I suffer extreme self-confidence issues because the people I see on tv do not look like me, anyone who says that it is the fat that is causing the self-confidence issues is a patriarchal misogynist. If I’m going to suffer everyone is going to suffer, I am going to start a movement to normalize obesity and ostracize everyone who is against it from society. I have already started my revolution, just last week a co-worker tried giving me advice on how to diet and exercise. Immediately I went to HR and he was fired, the company I work for understands that no-one should ever feel uncomfortable and hear thing they don’t want to. I know some of you reading this are still stuck in the “good ol days” and will suggest that self-indulgence and over eating should not be accepted in society. That by not having self control, I let go of my humanity and become an animal who just acts and does not think. Well I got some news for you, we are coming for you, first we will take your jobs and destroy your life, and if you still don’t change we will kill you. This society is now a safe space, and if you don’t agree we have no choice but to violently remove you from it. Join the resistance!

Can you break the fourth wall in these things? Fuck it, I’m going to do it anyways. So as you know toxic masculinity is a BIG problem, especially in America. It has been weighing  me down with extreme guilt, I’m a privileged white male, how could I not feel guilty?! It has driven me to the point of extreme depression and suicidal thoughts, I figured it would be better for all of those who are not cis-white males if I was six feet under :(. Playing football, chasing women, and other typical boy stuff is a thing of the past, it’s all about gender fluidity and feminism  now-a-days, and who am I to stop progress? So as I prepare my noose, (Ironically the same one I used to strangle the underprivileged citizens of society) and write my goodbye letter, I decided to surf the internet one last time for shits and giggles (aka to watch hentai). Along my journey to find the golden nut, I come across an article by Vice. In this article they explained a social phenomena called “big dick energy”, long story short they explained big dick energy as this sort of confidence that someone has, an energy if you will, that is not connected to dick size or even being a male. After reading that enlightening piece of useful journalism, I came to a revelation. In my revelation I understood that I could embrace the true masculinity that lies within me, without actually embracing it. (Sure you could say that I am just another individual that follows group thought and social trends, devoiding me of any sense of humanity and freedom, but that would make you a bigot.) As I kept expanding on this idea, I came to the conclusion that I don’t need to commit suicide. As long as I have big dick energy, I could turn my masculinity into a non-conforming gender identity that embraces all, and society would love me for it! Wow I thought to myself, I was able to fill a void imposed on me by society (my privilege guilt), by allowing society to determine how I should behave as a man and calling that self-confidence. Through this ordeal I have learned that nothing is better than having an inflated sense of confidence and self-worth, that I gain from external